im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
