She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
