The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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