just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
