Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
