So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
