I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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