Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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