She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
