oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
