It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
