I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
