i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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