A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
