Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
