college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
