I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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