he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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