Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
