I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
