Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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