If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
