i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
