end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
