Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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