dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
