and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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