this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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