I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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