You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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