ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
