you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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