She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
