My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
