I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
