so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
