I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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