God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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