how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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