smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
