Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
