my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
