That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize