I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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