i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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