Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
