Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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