hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
