saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
