Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
