Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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