Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
