Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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