Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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