i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My dick has a subreddit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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