Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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