Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
