You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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