No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize