My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
