someone owes me an orgasm
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
