i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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