so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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