Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
