At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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