In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
